I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
