I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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