So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
