Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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