Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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