so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
