you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
