just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
