my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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