never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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