he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
