Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
