I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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