So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
