I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
