That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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