So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
