Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
