THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
