I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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