oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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