I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
