I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize