He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.