he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.