How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS