he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN