I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
