Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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