i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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