Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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