A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
