ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
