Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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