Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
