I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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