I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
