I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
