I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
