I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
