Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
