not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
