she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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