I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
