you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
