You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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