I cockslap morals
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
