this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
