eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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