he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
