New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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