So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
