my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
