my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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