I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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