Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
