i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You dont lie about slip and slides
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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