so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
