So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
