I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
