the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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