his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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