I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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