My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
