so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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