you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
