she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
