ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
