i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He shit in the fireplace
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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