I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
