gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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