it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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