I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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