I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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