I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
