Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The air was thick with penises
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
