This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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