and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
